Saturday, December 1, 2012

Wandering, Wondering and Pondering

I was wandering around the house today with my camera in hand. I had full intentions on taking pictures of orange things for a meme. But today was no different than the others over the last few days since last week. Wandering around with the camera gets me to wondering and pondering. Something which I am truly trying very hard not to do right now. It seems as if I am doing everything possible to escape the inevitable.

I know many of you must also be thinking why in the world am I blogging at this time; A time in which our family has suffered such a devastating shocking loss. I don't have any answers nor excuses.  But right now this seems to be the only thing I can do. Even when Walter or one of the kids call it is all I can do to truly hear what they are saying to me. I can't concentrate. I can't even cry anymore. I haven't even called any of the kids or our grandchildren. All I do is wander around the house in a daze. I know I should be calling our children and grandchildren but I seem to be frozen in this mode of wandering, wondering and pondering.

If I am not blogging or taking pictures the memories start to seep through my
thin veil of protection. I keep replaying that day over and over in my mind and then the terrible wondering begins. What could I have done different? I know there are a lot of things I could have done at one time that might have changed or at least helped change the course David's life took. His life was not a happy one and both me and his father hold some degree of responsibility for that. David was an alcoholic and when he was young he was always around us when we were having parties and people were drinking way too much.

 This was many years ago before we returned back to church and rededicated our lives to Christ. We even allowed David to drink with us. Like way too many young and stupid parents we thought if he was drinking at home at least we knew where he was. We were foolish and clueless. We had no idea David would take it to the level he did and loose almost his entire life to a bottle of Vodka. This past year he had finally moved back home with his mother Louise and had quit drinking. He was going to church and in the process of rebuilding a long lost relationship with his children and our entire family. He never even got to see his grandson. That's all I can write about David right now except to clarify the Sheriff's department report concluded that alcohol was not a factor in their deaths. Ironic isn't it? He must have driven thousands of times drunk and he was killed along with his brother when he was driving sober!

All of the art work featured here, except for the old plate at the bottom, is owned by me and was painted by Harry Day of New England. 
I fell in love with these three women. I still think they are beautiful. But it's just been in the last few days I have noticed the tender sincere and yes even dazed look in their eyes. They too seem to be pondering. I know Mary suffered greatly but now I even wonder what the other two are thinking about or trying not to think about!

I think of the silliest things some times lately. Like tonight the song 'My Favorite Things' by Julie Andrews popped into my head. I keep hearing the song over and over. It's not even one of my favorite songs. It is a favorite of Walter's and all of our girls. They all love the movie 'The Sound Of Music,' but I have never cared for it. However I had to go grab a link and post the video here. I don't know why I have to. I just know I do! Crazy right? Well, anyway I hope you enjoy the song. I know I did. 


Perhaps when Pam comes to visit next week we will get the movie out and watch it together. I am looking forward to her visit. We are getting on the train and heading into Dallas. We plan on visiting 'The West End,' Downtown, The Zoo where 'Patrick the gorilla lives. I will get lots of pictures. Maybe some of the grand kids can go with us and help with the Christmas shopping.

When I get to where I can handle things a little better I will do my best to share stories with you about Mark and David. I need to get my scanner up and put up some old pictures. Wow in the old pictures I was skinny and Walter had hair. I do want to say one more thing about David. He had a job this past summer running a great big huge tractor and plowing tons of dirt. He was so proud of himself and really loved the job. Louise told me he always went around saying "I make dirt pretty!" He said it so often she had a t-shirt made for him with that saying on it. David always was a cut up and Mark was out of this world funny! He kept everyone in stitches. He would point his finger at you and say "You're Fired!" Oh I have lots and lots of good memories!


~Just an old plate that hangs by our front door-it reminds me of the true water of life!~
I hope our drizzles go away so I can do some bird watching today. I took two fabulous shots of our big papa Blue Heron that flies in every once in a while and I would have shared them with you too.But it seems this blond forgot to put her card back in her camera. I came in all excited and opened up my pc to dl the pictures and zip there were none. Oh well such is life. There's always tomorrow-Lord willin' and th' crick don't rise!
~I hope everyone has a glorious weekend!~

6 comments:

  1. I hopped over from the PhotoHunt blog... and I am so sorry to read about your loss. Words are never enough.
    I hope to see you back 'hunting' for the weekends!
    Sandi

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    1. That was so kind of you Sandi. I did go out last night with my large lens in an attempt to get some good pictures but I couldn't find my tripod and my telephoto lens is huge.

      If I can get my daughter to help with Christmas decorations next weekend I will be more able to hunt and join in on the meme.
      Happy weekend!
      Jackie

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  2. I am so sorry for what must be the most enormous pain imaginable. You all remain in my prayers, and don't feel you have to explain or apologize for anything here. I love the pictures, and I agree about her eyes.

    When you feel up to it, it would be wonderful to hear stories of them and see pictures. There's healing in that, I believe.

    May the God of all peace hold you in His tender hands.

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    1. Thank you Shelly so very much for your kind supportive words. I am in a better frame of mind after a little sleep and am on my way to hunt a Saturday meme to do. That is if I can find one.

      Thanks again so much and blessings to you and yours!
      Jackie

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  3. Replies
    1. Thank you vanilla. I loved your Dimples story. It was just marvelous!

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